The One Who Got Away
by Jordan202
Summary: What happens to Owen and Amelia after 13x09. canon. Omelia all the way.
1. Chapter 1

Hey Guys, here goes my take for what happens after the 13x09 finale. This story is set 3 months into Owen and Amelia's marriage, before they had any children (It would be sort of the Prologue to 'My Boys').

 **My Boys Drabbles – The One Who Got Away (Part One)**

" _Don't make this all your fault. I know you. That's what you do. But please, please, don't do that."_

Owen could still hear the words echoing in his mind as the airplane landed roughly against the ground.

After two weeks of late nights at the hospital and burying himself into work to ignore his personal life completely, he could feel the toll the stress was taking on his mind. And when the first signs that he was unknowingly triggering his PTSD again started to show, Owen quickly took a deep breath, deciding to take action before the situation got out of control.

In the past, he would simply ignore the warnings and move on with his coping mechanism, telling himself he was managing and all would be fine. But Owen knew better now. After going through so much pain and hurt in the past, he had learned that in order to move on and keep himself sane, he had to deal with things instead of pretending they weren't there.

So now there he was, making his way through the busy influx of passengers that rushed in every direction of the Los Angeles Airport. Owen didn't know the city very well. He'd been there a couple of times but never long enough to actually be familiar with it. Rushing outside, he managed to get a cab through the mass of people, giving the driver the address he'd printed out of an email he'd found in his wife's personal computer.

At the thought of Amelia, Owen let out a long, frustrated sigh. When he'd found the note she'd left for him on the kitchen counter of their home, he'd been devastated. Confused. Heartbroken. And many other adjectives he didn't have the emotional intelligence to define. But soon after, he'd started to grow angry, but not at her. Even though he was mad at Amelia at some level, he was mostly angry at himself for allowing his optimistic spirit to believe that, that time, things would actually be different and that that woman could actually make him happy.

Well, three months after they'd married and he'd been left standing alone in the living room of his own house, finding himself in the same crossroads he kept going back to it over and over again. Owen knew Amelia had a lot of trauma and that she'd been through hell in her life. He understood why she acted the way she did. But it didn't make it less painful for him.

When he realized she'd left, he waited, hoping that after a couple of days of being granted time and space, Amelia would clear her head. But when two days became a week and he still hadn't heard from her, Owen had angrily decided he wouldn't act on it anymore. If she'd taken off without bothering to make a phone call to let him know she was okay, without even telling him where she'd gone to, it could only mean she didn't care about him enough, discarding him from her life like a disposable object.

But when one week became two, Owen's anger slowly turned into worry. He thought back about her relapses and her history of drug abuse. The idea of Amelia lying somewhere injecting needles in her arms made Owen cringe. He paced back and forth during days, performing back to back surgeries, hoping to get an email, a text, a phone call, anything to let him know she was alive and well. People didn't dare to ask him about her, afraid of his reaction. And Meredith and Riggs, the only ones who did, also had no idea about his wife's whereabouts.

After coming back home on a Tuesday night, having nearly lost control of his anger during a particular rough discussion with a colleague about a course of treatment earlier that same day, Owen realized he had to do something. Sitting around waiting wouldn't do anymore. Not only was he worried to death about what had become of his wife, he was also driving himself to the edge of a PTSD relapse again. After picking up the phone, Owen called every hotel and hospital in Seattle he could think of. Realizing it was unlikely that she was still in the city, for she wasn't even showing up for work, he'd called her family in New York and found out she wasn't there either.

Doing everything within his power not to panic, Owen had gone through her personal things, looking for any signs of where she might have gone. In her personal notebook, he found her email opened on one of the tabs and scrolled down to find a receipt to a plane ticket to Los Angeles. A little extra digging through her contacts later, Owen discovered the address to the house of the only person he could imagine Amelia had run off to: Addison Montgomery.

After paying for the cab, Owen closed the door and saw the car driving off before he could turn around and face the lovely seaside house. He'd heard a lot about Addison before and even met with her a few times in the past, but Owen didn't really know the woman so he had absolutely no idea how the famous world class surgeon would react to his surprise arrival at her door. Telling himself there was only one way to find out, Owen took large strides to the front door and rang it, trying to control his anxiety for the wait that followed.

Seconds later, when the door finally opened, Owen could identify the obvious shock in the eyes of the red haired woman when she noticed who was standing outside her house.

"Hi," He shyly said, hating to be in that situation. Owen was a very private person and he didn't like to do his dirty laundry in public. The fact that a virtual stranger to him might be privy to his marital problems made him extremely uncomfortable.

"Owen," Addison's voice sounded surprised and she swallowed hard before adding. "What are you doing here?"

"Looking for Amelia," Owen said objectively, thinking that small talk wouldn't help at that moment. He had gone to Los Angeles with one goal in mind and he wasn't going to walk around on eggshells, worrying about social etiquette, in that moment he was feeling at the edge of sanity.

"Uh… She is not here," Addison hesitated, shaking her head in confusion. When she noticed the expression of complete surprise and even disappointment on Owen's face, she hurried to clarify. "I mean, she is not here _right now_. She went out with my husband a while ago to get groceries."

"How is she? Is she okay?" Owen couldn't help asking in a fast pace. He let out a long sigh, more relieved than he'd initially expected to have found his wife and to notice that apparently she was safe, considering she had gone shopping.

"She is… uh," Addison broke eye contact with him, unable to lie but at the same time, unwilling to get in the middle of that conversation. Taking one step aside, the neonatal surgeon wisely suggested. "You know what, why don't you come in? You can wait for her here and when she comes back, you can ask her yourself."

Owen did as told, nodding his head in gratitude, and walked inside the spacious house. He took off his jacket and neatly folded it, thankful to have something to keep his hands busy with. The expectation and awkwardness of the moment were driving him crazy.

He looked up to meet Addison's eyes, noticing she seemed just as uncomfortable with the situation. Both were complete strangers but knew too much about each other's lives to be able to ignore the fact.

"That your kid?" Owen pointed to a framed photograph of an adorable smiling boy who didn't look more than five or six.

"Yes," Addison genuinely smiled for the first time. "His name is Henry."

"He is lovely," Owen added, unsure of what else to say.

At the mention of the kid, the room was involved in an even thicker atmosphere. Owen was pretty sure Addison knew the reason that had led him and Amelia to fight, and that ultimately had made his wife run away. He also imagined Addison probably knew more about his wife's motives than he did, for she had been an important part of Amelia's life for a long time and was still a very close friend.

"She is not using again, is she?" He upfront asked, unable to spend another minute without knowing about that.

"She is not," Addison replied, loyally. She didn't know Owen very well and hadn't been able to attend Amelia's marriage to him due to the short notice, but over the past two years she'd heard a lot about him, especially from Amelia's point of view. Addison knew he had a lot of flaws, but overall Owen seemed to be a really decent guy.

When Amelia had first arrived at her door, Addison had been thrilled to see her, but quickly, after noticing how distressed her friend seemed, the neonatal surgeon had grown more and more worried. On her first night in Los Angeles, Amelia had explained that she needed some time off from everything to set her mind straight and Addison had let her stay but as the days progressed, Addison had demanded more explanations. After a lot of insistence, she'd heard from Amelia the events of the past weeks, about how Amelia and her husband had decided to have kids and how after the first pregnancy scare, Amelia had realized she wasn't ready for it yet, which had culminated into a fight between the two newlyweds.

Amelia hadn't once mentioned her lost son but Addison knew her fear and hesitation had everything to do with the loss of her child. Addison also knew that Amelia wasn't a piece of cake but she'd been worried that her friend's husband might have put too much pressure on her. After hearing Amelia's admission that this time she had been the one who'd avoided talking and communicating, settling for taking some time off instead, Addison had reached the conclusion that Owen was probably as oblivious to Amelia's past than most people in her life were. In the few times Amelia had given in and talked about the problems at her home, she'd always made it clear that Owen wasn't to blame for their fight and that he had done absolutely nothing other than love her and try to build a future with her.

That had made Addison think back about Amelia's ex fiancé, James, and how Amelia had acted the same way a few years before. At the mention of taking one step forward, she'd taken off, running away in her characteristic way. But despite the fact her behavior was the same, Addison could tell everything else was completely different now.

Even though Owen was sitting on the couch, she noticed how nervous he was, looking at his wrist watch every thirty seconds. Addison didn't know the man and had absolutely no idea what she could say or do to keep him distracted until Amelia arrived. She knew her friend would probably be surprised and taken aback to find her husband there, waiting for her. Luckily for Addison, she didn't need to plan much, because a few minutes later she heard the noise of her own husband's car parking outside.

"I'll let her know that you are here," Addison loyally decided, thinking it would be cruel of her to let Amelia walk into Owen in the living room without a warning.

The trauma surgeon watched as Addison disappeared to the kitchen and waited, patiently, for there wasn't much else he could do. To be honest, Owen was sick of waiting and he did his very best not to let his anger surpass his rationality at that moment. He was just trying to remember everything he wanted to say to his wife that Owen was startled by the low sound of an achingly familiar voice.

"Hey."

Standing up immediately, Owen froze in his spot, forgetting about everything he'd wanted to say. He looked into Amelia's eyes and noticed the dark circles around them. She looked paler and somewhat chronically exhausted, as if she hadn't got enough sleep for a long time.

"Hi," was all Owen could manage to say. He stood there, staring at her for a while, hoping she would initiate the conversation, but she kept looking at him, almost as if begging for something. Owen had no idea what and the notion broke his heart all over again. "How are you?" He asked, sweeping the thoughts about her appearance from his mind.

"Managing," Amelia said, with honesty. "You?"

"People have been asking about you," Owen ignored her question completely. "Do you plan to resume your job? Because Bailey needs to know if she should hire a replacement."

Amelia seemed to ponder for a while, finally settling for saying:

"Is that what you flew all the way here for?" She asked, trying to hold back the tears at the sight of him. His presence was bringing back all the memories and hurt that Amelia had been desperately trying to avoid for the past two weeks.

"No." Owen said without hesitation. "I came here for two reasons," He added, his voice suddenly turning angry and bitter as he once again remembered what had taken him to Los Angeles in the first place. "First I needed to find out if you were alive or not. After all, whether you want it or not, I am still your next of kin," He added, sounding unintentionally bitter and sarcastic. "But I as I can see, I had no reason to worry about that."

Owen's subtle implication that she was doing fine and his direct mention to the fact she hadn't even bothered to let him know if she was alive made Amelia's heart constrict. She didn't dare to reply, knowing she was in the wrong and he had every right to be mad at her for disappearing without any explanation or consideration towards him.

"Secondly, I needed to find out if you're planning to stay here or if you're ever coming back so I'll know what to do with your stuff."

It was clear in Amelia's expression the huge blow the words took on her and she opened and closed her mouth several times before finally finding the strength to speak. She'd spent many nights awake thinking about how Owen would react when they finally met again, and in none of those scenarios he had disregarded her from his life that easily.

"You've really thought this through," She added, unsure of how else to react.

"I didn't think anything through," Owen replied coldly, looking at her judgingly. " _You_ made the decision, I'm just trying to catch up with you so I'll know what to do with my life. Let's make it pretty clear that _none of this_ was my idea. I wasn't even consulted and to be honest I was barely informed."

Once again silence filled the air as Amelia let his words sink in, knowing he had every right to be mad.

"Owen, I know what I did was absolutely wrong and selfish and…" She took one step in his direction but stopped when she noticed he had gotten away from her reach on purpose. "I…" Amelia stuttered, caught off guard by his unexpected sudden appearance. "I left without offering much explanation and you deserved better."

"Yeah," Owen promptly agreed. "I did."

He kept looking at her, expecting Amelia to justify herself. That was her chance to talk to him, to let him in the world she kept so carefully hidden from everyone, sometimes even herself.

"You know what," Owen lifted his hands in the air, as if giving up completely. "I don't even know why I bothered…" He paced back and forth, unable to look her in the eyes. By distance they heard the sound of Jake's car again, he and Addison had probably left the house with Henry to give the couple more privacy. Owen stopped walking and took his hand to his head, running his fingers through his hair with clear frustration. "I am angry at you, Amelia, but I am angry at myself too… I never should have left things to get this far."

"What do you mean?" Amelia looked at him, desperately. Owen had been the best thing that had happened to her in the past years and she loved him with all her heart. Even though Amelia knew she had screwed up badly and had no idea how to fix it, she still wanted to be with him, more than anything. The only thing that kept her going was the notion that with Owen, she actually had a chance at being happy and moving forward. He had been the only one who had actually seen potential in her and loved her despite all her baggage. And he was the only one who could make her feel safe. Amelia was determined to give him everything and she hadn't meant to hurt him, but first, she needed to take care of herself before being the person she wanted to be for him.

"You're not in this," Owen somberly said, obviously referring to their marriage. "You _can't_ be in this, because you're still out there too much," He sighed, nervously. "I knew it, I noticed it, and yet I fooled myself thinking you could overcome it, but you can't. Just because you want to be fine, doesn't mean you're fine overnight," He breathed out through his nose, angry at himself. "You asked me to marry you and I said yes, even though I knew you weren't ready." He finally looked up to meet her eyes, seeing the anguish behind the tears accumulating there. "I said yes because I loved you and I wanted you to be ready. But that doesn't mean you were."

Owen thought back about the day she'd surprised him with a proposal in the backyard of what would become their home. _"I want a real life. And I want it with you"._ The words had woken up feelings inside him that until then, Owen didn't know he still had. His deepest dream of having a family, a wife, someone to share and grow with, someone to start a family with were suddenly brought to life by Amelia's gentle request. He'd said yes immediately because she was offering the deepest desire of his soul on a silver platter and Owen was blindly in love with her. He wanted more than anything to believe that Amelia could be that one person he'd been chasing after all his life. And he'd told himself that, after all the pain and sorrow he'd gone through, he deserved to have found her.

" _Loved_?" Amelia sheepishly asked, unable to contain the first tear that rolled down her cheek.

"It doesn't matter now, does it?" Owen said, feeling his throat constrict with pain. "It's okay, Amelia," He added, seeing the heartbreak stamped in her eyes. He knew it was hard on her too. Owen didn't doubt her love for him and he also didn't doubt she had her reasons to feel like she needed to run away again. But Amelia wasn't interested or ready to share that with him, even though he felt like he'd repeatedly proven her that she could and she should. But now, Owen had reached his limit, not knowing what to do anymore. "I know you didn't do this on purpose, to hurt me."

"I…" Amelia sniffed, trying to regain control over her tears. "I wanted to go back. Two hours after I got here, I wanted to go back."

"But you didn't." Owen concluded, trying to make sense of her.

"I didn't know if you wanted me to," She confessed, feeling the weight of the world on her shoulders. Everything Owen had said was true. She had asked him to marry her and later on found out she wasn't where she believed to be. And Amelia couldn't point a finger at him for wanting out. "I thought I was doing what was best for you."

"Best for me?!" Owen unintentionally raised his voice, and took one step toward her, unaware of how intimidating he was when anger took over his entire face. "Best for me?!" He repeated, sarcastically. "You've got to be kidding me, Amelia!"

"I thought that…"

"You thought that you didn't want to deal with your shit anymore, so you bailed!" Owen cruelly said, letting out all the anger he'd so carefully been trying to contain. "You took off, because that's what you always do," He took one step towards her and held her face. Even though his eyes were sparkling with rage, his touch was gentle when he imprisoned her face between his hands. "Babe, don't you get it? You're never going to stop running away until you figure out you can't run away from yourself!" He brought her face closer and forced her to look him in the eye, even though Amelia was trying to look away. "You're only going to get through the pain when you allow yourself to feel it instead of running from it."

When he finally let go of her and turned his back, Amelia broke down, crying convulsively. Her knees became too weak to support her weight and before she noticed it, her body was sliding down to the couch, while everything she'd been working so hard to contain in a box in a very dark place within herself was suddenly being brought back to the surface with full force.

"I love you and I wanted to be with you," Owen confessed, still avoiding looking at her. He couldn't bear seeing her in so much pain and agony, especially knowing he was forcing her into it. But that was it. He needed to finish what they'd started. "I really did. And I wanted to be your husband and the guy you can always count on but I can't keep doing that at the expense of my own sanity, Amelia…" He explained, finally turning around to find the pile of mess that his wife had become. "I wanted us to build something amazing together and I invested everything I have in it. I was willing to try and I put myself out there. I expected you to feel the same but I was wrong." Owen closed his eyes, taking a deep breath to pull himself together. "We've been married for three months and the first time things got rough you ran… That's what you do. You run," He summed up, seeing her cries intensifying at the reality of his words but even though he was feeling like the cruelest person on Earth, Owen couldn't stop, because he firmly believed Amelia needed to hear that for her own sake.

Owen believed she had reached a pointed where either she faced whatever it was she needed to face, or she wouldn't be able to live life with plenitude, walking around in circles like she'd been doing all her life, allowing the past to hold her back from creating a future.

"The very first time something came up, you chose not to talk to me about it… First, you spent every night at the hospital… Then, when you told me to my face you didn't want to have a child, you ran off to Meredith's… And two weeks ago, after a horrible day I went home willing to find you and once again, for the thousandth time ask you to talk to me. I was hoping to find you there. But I found a note instead."

He looked at her again, expecting Amelia to say something, but as usual, all he found was silence.

"That's all you thought I deserved," Owen propped his hands on his hips, looking down at her, unable to control a pool of tears forming in his eyes. "A damn note. No explanation. No phone call, nothing. I had to sit at home, afraid that every time my phone rang, someone was calling me to say you had overdosed somewhere. Or worst, that you'd died."

Amelia looked up at him, and through all the pain, she felt a boiling anger starting to consume her.

"You think so little of me that you actually thought I'd go after drugs?"

"Why wouldn't you?" Owen asked rationally and unemotionally. "You've done in the past. Several times, actually." He reinforced, crouching down to look at her, hoping to offer at least some comfort since he was adding to her pain. "Why would it be any different this time?" He asked, almost as if hoping she would give him a good enough reason.

 _Tell me you love me_. Owen gazed deeply into her eyes, expectantly. _Tell me you want to be better for yourself and for us._

Amelia opened her eyes to find him on his knees, inches away from her. The weight of his words added to the utter truth their contained drove her to the edge, making Amelia channel all the anger she was feeling about the entire situation. For three months, she'd had the life she'd always wanted and because of her own weakness and incapability to deal with her own traumas, she had let it slip through her fingers, pushing Owen away like she did with everything good that happened in her life.

Owen easily dodged her closed fist when she tried to hit him, uncontrollably sobbing and breaking down. Instead of pulling away, he reached out and held her, so tightly that Amelia couldn't move her arms anymore. And when he did, she broke down completely, shattering his heart when Owen noticed the excruciating pain that every single one of her tears contained.

"Let it out, babe…" Owen said, kissing her temple while keeping his tight grasp around her. "You're allowing yourself to feel it. Feel it. Be angry, cry, do what you have to do. But don't hold it back anymore."

Amelia's scream of agony echoed in the room and Owen stood up, holding his wife when her legs failed to support her again. He held Amelia tightly for long minutes, letting her cry every tear she needed to. And when her sobs finally subsided and her lip finally stopped trembling, Owen pulled apart just enough to look into her amazing blue eyes, allowing a flicker of hope to ignite inside of him again.

"Talk to me, Amelia," He pleaded, giving her one more chance, even though rationally he knew that he shouldn't risk breaking his heart again. Amelia had had too many chances already and he couldn't keep doing that to himself anymore. It was only human to make a mistake, but it was stupid to keep making the same mistake expecting a different outcome.

But that's how love was. Stupid. Irrational. Completely giving.

And Owen loved her, more than he would care to admit, more than he could ever imagine loving a woman. Seeing her in tears, through so much pain, had been his complete undoing. He looked deeply into her eyes, begging her to take out his stretched hand and let him in.

"Tell me what's wrong. Tell me why you've changed your mind," Owen pleaded, aware she knew he meant the subject of them starting a family. "You were so, so into it for so long…" He remembered the time she'd been naked in his arms, joking about having four or five children. And the night she'd told him about the man she'd once loved who'd died in bed beside her, giving him the cue to share his biggest trauma with her too. Owen had really started to believe they could be something amazing together. That evening, he really had thought Amelia was the best choice he'd even made. "You have to talk to me. Please, let me in."

Owen waited, patiently.

Amelia kept staring at him, for long seconds. He could see how tense her body was and how much she was struggling. Her face had become a mask of grueling, agonizing pain. But when seconds became minutes, although he hoped for her to come around, unwilling to believe her silence, Owen finally realized that she wasn't going to talk. Either she couldn't, or didn't want to, but Owen knew in his heart he couldn't let himself keep dancing around so much pain anymore. His or her own. Not without the chance to overcome it.

And even though it broke his heart, he took a step back, making one of the hardest decisions he'd ever had to make.

"You know, I really thought you were the one," Owen said, collecting his jacket from the couch and heading towards the front door. He firmly grasped the handle, determined to leave, but on the last second hesitated and turned around, taking a deep breath before confessing with a broken heart. "But you're really just the one who got away."


	2. Chapter 2

**My Boys Drabbles – The One Who Got Away (Part 2)**

Amelia heard the loud sound of the door being shut with violence as Owen stormed out, obviously angry but looking particularly disappointed.

She looked down at her feet and held back a new wave of tears that threatened to fall, feeling a lump constricting her throat. The man she loved had just walked out of the door because he'd had enough. Not for the first time, Owen had asked her to talk to him. And not the first time, Amelia had frozen, completely unable to be immersed once again in a web of memories so painful that she avoided them with every fiber of her being.

She had run a lot of times before in her life. But this had been the first time she'd regretted it.

And it also had been the first time someone had come after her.

A wise voice in the back of Amelia's head was screaming for her to take Owen's hand and trust him. Opening up to her husband, even though risky, was the right thing to do. Amelia knew it. But there was a giant gap between knowing the right decision and actually gathering the strength to make it.

In a fraction of a second, a movie played in Amelia's mind and disturbing flashes ran through her eyes: The countless times she'd hit rock bottom, the death of her father, her son, her brother… Her relapses and the many people she'd let down in her life. She didn't want Owen's presence and significance being added to that long list of failures.

Acting on an impulse, probably the wisest one she had ever had in her life, Amelia grabbed the door handle and turned it around, running to the street seconds after her husband had exited through the same door.

"Owen, wait!"

The trauma surgeon was halfway down the street, his hands deep in his jacket pockets, when he heard his wife's distinctive voice calling him out. The minute he turned around, she stopped running and stood still, looking at him obviously on the verge of a meltdown.

Even though Owen had just promised that he was done investing more of himself in that failed relationship, he was so taken aback by her surprise move that all he could do was stand there, waiting for her to talk.

"Please, don't go," She begged, desperate to be in his arms again but unsure how he would react if she approached him.

"Amelia, don't make this harder than it already is…" Owen implored, running his hand through his hair in a clear sign of frustration.

"Please…" She tried again, looking deeply into his eyes so he'd know she really meant it. "Owen, I am trying." Amelia revealed, hoping that would convince him to stay. "This is me trying."

He breathed in heavily, trying to clear off his mind and closed his eyes before exhaling the air slowly through his nose. Owen couldn't do that anymore. He was exhausted, emotionally destroyed and all he wanted was some peace of mind. He had just stepped out of that whirlpool that Amelia was. And he knew that if he dared to dip his toe, he'd end up sinking again completely.

"I want to talk to you," Amelia declared, finding in his presence the strength she needed to be brave.

Many times in the past, Amelia had chosen to run instead of dealing with her problems because often, she didn't have much to lose. The battles just weren't worth it. But now, it was entirely different. Her biggest chance to be happy and fulfilled and actually have all the best things life had to offer was standing right in front of her, offering her everything she needed to cross the bridge between the pain and the cure to her deepest wounds. All she needed to do was to be honest.

Owen heard her words and it took him long seconds of processing them to actually believe his ears. Once again, Amelia had surprised him when he was already working on accepting that he had just finished the last chapter of his life that she would be in.

"I'm listening," Owen said, trying his best not to sound judgmental or impatient.

Amelia hesitated, visibly distressed and unaware of where to start. She was about to do one of the hardest things she'd ever had to do in her life and she didn't want to screw up again. Wrapping her arms around her own body, in a typical defensive posture, Amelia looked up to meet her husband's attentive eyes.

"The reason why I left you…" She started, taking pauses between her sentences because the confession was just too overwhelming to let it all out, "is because I needed to come here to do something that up until I started to freak out, I didn't know I needed to do." Amelia added, trying her best to make him understand that the whole situation was just as confusing for her as it was for him. "Owen, I swear I meant everything I said to you in the past," Amelia had to make him believe her. "I wanted us to build something together as much as you did," She added, unsure of how he would feel about that. "I still do."

"Then why did you change your mind?" Owen asked, trying to make sense of her behavior. He gazed deeply into her eyes, looking for answers that maybe could be found beyond her words.

"I was scared," Amelia confessed. "I wanted everything we talked about, I swear. But as it started to happen, it also messed with things inside of me that I had no idea were there," Amelia confessed. "I didn't know how to react because these feelings had been buried inside of me for so long that I thought they'd vanished. But…" Amelia thought about her long lost son and the pain of the traumatizing circumstance in which she'd had to say goodbye to him. "But when I first thought I was pregnant, I found out they were very much alive and present in me."

"What are you talking about?"

"The reason why I told you in that horrible way that I didn't want to have a child," Amelia hesitated, hoping with all her heart that Owen wouldn't hate her. "is because I actually felt relieved when we found our pregnancy test was negative."

She watched as the information sunk in. Owen frowned, trying his best to understand, at the same time her words sounded paradoxical to him. If she really did want to have a baby with him, then why would she be relieved to find out their test had been negative?

"I didn't say anything to you before because I knew you'd hate me for it," Amelia confessed, feeling the weight of the tears accumulating in her eyes. "I knew you'd resent me and you were so happy when I mentioned the possibility of us having a baby… I couldn't bear to break your heart like that," Amelia looked down, unable to hold his gaze anymore. "It wasn't your fault and it had nothing to do with you… You've been nothing but completely generous and I tried so very hard not to make you hate me but in the end, I ended up making you despise me all the same."

Owen slightly tilted his head to the side, holding his breath at the sight of her standing there, torturing herself with her own grief and the guilt of the pain she'd inadvertently caused in him. Not bearing to see her in such pain anymore, he took large strides in her direction, finally closing the gap that separated their bodies.

"I don't hate you," Owen affirmed with certainty, adamant that she knew that. "I don't hate you, Amelia," He took one finger to her chin, slowly lifting her head to make her see in his eyes that he was telling the truth.

Amelia met the intensity of his gaze and leaned forward, desperately in need of comfort.

"I know you didn't mean to hurt me," Owen confessed. "But it hurt too much to think that you neglected it all the same. I know you weren't trying to cause it," He declared, absolutely sure of what he was saying. "But at the same time it kills me to think you didn't stop and think for a second that from the moment you committed yourself to me," Owen explained, trying to make her see through his eyes, "the decisions you make affect me as well."

Unable to keep herself distant from him anymore, Amelia took one step forward and abruptly wrapped her arms around his neck, at the same time she buried her face on his chest.

"I am so sorry, Owen…" She sobbed, hating herself for the mess she'd unwillingly created. "God, I am so sorry…"

Owen felt the stinging pain of her plea. If she had refuted him, talked back, argued that she wasn't to blame, it would have been easier because then, Owen could have yelled and gotten mad at her. That he could deal with.

But he couldn't deal with his wife asking for forgiveness at the same time she sought comfort, desperately holding onto him like that, visibly hurting and genuinely regretting the series of poor decisions she'd made. Without any rational thought, his arms made their way around her waist, pulling her closer.

"I am sorry too," Owen added, feeling her body relaxing once she was firmly inside his embrace. "But I still don't get it, Amelia… Why did you feel like you had to run away from me? Why did you change your mind?" He asked with all his heart, in desperate need of an answer.

"I had to come here to clear my head," Amelia pulled apart gently and confessed. "I was feeling trapped in Seattle. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe… I couldn't stay there any longer because my head and my heart were here the entire time."

Owen looked at her, puzzled by her unexpected confession. He opened his mouth again with every intention to ask, but Amelia anticipated his question.

"I came here to go somewhere, to search for the peace of mind I couldn't get anywhere but here," She said, unable to say the words she yet needed to say. "For the past two weeks, I woke up every morning with the full intention of going _there_ so I can finally think straight and get my feelings in order but even though every day I got dressed and ready to go, I never could get myself to leave the house," Amelia confessed. She took a deep breath and before she could notice what she was doing, her hand firmly grasped Owen's. She stared into his eyes for a few seconds, obvious struggling with the question she wanted to ask. "Would you go with me?"

Owen had no idea where, but she was asking him with such importance and need that it honestly didn't matter.

"Of course I'll go with you," He replied, anxious to know more about everything that made his wife the woman she was at the same time he was worried for her mental sanity. "I'm surprised you even have to ask."

.

One hour later, Owen found himself getting off a taxi cab. He had spent the past sixty minutes wondering what this place that apparently held the key to the unraveling of his wife's past was. During the entire ride, he couldn't think of any place that could offer so many answers, but when they got off and Owen found himself standing at the entrance to a cemetery, it suddenly became obvious that only a tragic loss could justify so much pain.

"Is this about the man you told me about?" He asked, holding her hand while they slowly made their way through the gravestones. It was an atypical cloudy day in Los Angeles and the cemetery was totally deserted at that hour. An insistent wind was blowing, messing up their hairs, but neither of them seemed to mind that at the moment.

"Sort of," Amelia turned her head to look at him and quickly fixated her eyes on the ground again. Owen noticed how tightly she was holding onto his hand, as if afraid to lose herself if she let go. Her face looked pale and her skin was cold against his, even though the temperature wasn't all that chilly.

When Owen paid closer attention, he noticed her entire body was slowly shaking and he breathed in to calm himself down, desperate for everything to be over because he couldn't bear the sight of so much pain assaulting the woman he loved anymore. Amelia was very good at hiding her feelings and he was sure that the intensity of what she was showing was probably just the tip of the iceberg. Owen was scared to find out how much sorrow could be lying underneath the surface and yet he wanted very much that Amelia let him in, so he could share some of that burden with her. When she looked at him like that, Owen felt like he was capable of going to extremes if necessary, doing whatever it took in order to ease her pain.

Amelia suddenly stopped walking and Owen understood they'd reached their destination. In the middle of the grass field where hundreds of stones immortalized the sentiments of beloved relatives and friends, a single white rock stood out and that was exactly what Amelia stared at.

Owen looked from her anguished face to the beautifully carved gold letters, shining out in the impeccable white marble stone.

 _Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in daytime, and falling into at night. I miss you like hell._

 _To my wonderful baby, who has gone too soon._

 _From his grateful mother, who will never stop loving him._

Owen looked from the engravings on the stone to the chiseled, elegant face of his wife. A silent tear was rolling down her cheek as she read the same letters she'd had written there years before. Owen could feel her grasp on his hand slowly fading, as she silently crouched down on the hard grass, burying her face in both her hands before she started to sob.

"Amelia…" Owen kneeled down, staying beside her. "Was this… Was this your son?" He asked, rubbing her back with a gentle caress.

His wife turned around in one swift motion and hid her face on the crook of his neck, clinging to him for support at the same time she nodded affirmatively with her head, unable to let out a single word.

"I am sorry," Owen held her tightly in his arms, desperate to comfort her. "Babe, I am so sorry…"

Owen remembered that what now felt like a lifetime ago, he'd once met Amelia in a candlelit chapel, around the time when everyone had been mourning for the loss of Jackson and April's baby. He had unconsciously noticed that Amelia seemed to have been affected by the situation more than the other colleagues. Even though they were barely even friends back then, somehow he'd felt the need to look for her and make sure she was alright.

Much to his surprise, he'd found her sitting by the candles, apparently praying for the baby. Owen had been instantly intrigued, for Amelia Shepherd didn't strike him as the kind of person who prayed. He'd been immediately drawn to her and much to his surprise, without the need of a long exchange of words, Amelia confessed to him that her own baby had also lived for a short period of time.

Owen had been surprised to find out she'd been through such a tragic loss but he'd been experienced enough in life to know that most people had their own dark secrets buried inside of them. What had truly surprised him had been her blunt and yet honest confession. Instantly, he'd looked up to meet her eyes as his hand found hers in a gesture of reassurance and comfort. Owen knew the pain and agony too well. He too had once lost a part of himself when he was robbed of his biggest dream to have a child of his own the day that in a cold, white room, his unborn baby had been taken away from the world.

Although not long before that day he'd discovered the truth about Amelia's past with alcoholism and drug addiction, that shared confession in the chapel that had been the first time Owen had really looked at her and seen the amazing, strong woman whose easy smile and charismatic manners charmed everyone around her. From the start, Owen couldn't be fooled, because in her amazing blue eyes, he'd found the shadow of a hard lived life much sooner than he'd started to pay attention to everything else about her.

And in those eyes, Owen knew there was someone whose potential could transcend common expectations. From that day on, he'd started looking at Amelia differently. She'd intrigued him and he felt completely attracted to her, compelled not only by her beauty and flirty manners, but also by a magnetic inner strength that he was sure few people knew she possessed.

Over the following months, he'd unsurprisingly fallen madly in love with her, to the point of neglecting that tiny bit of information that had been the first bridge between their two souls. Thinking about it now, Owen felt completely dumb and ignorant not to have associated the loss he'd briefly heard about to Amelia's present hesitation about having a child. Back then, he'd never really thought about the circumstances in which she'd had and lost the baby and now, he knew that those details made the entire difference.

"This man I told you about…" Amelia's voice sounded hoarse and weak when she pulled apart to look into her husband's eyes. "The night he died… I… We planned to start a family together," She said, giving up on trying to control the tears that insisted on falling. "Of course I was out of my mind back then… We were both so deep into the addiction that we thought everything was blissful and colorful like in a fairy tale." She realized, looking up embarrassingly to avoid his eyes, in fear of what he might think of her. "But then he overdosed… And well… You know how that story ended." Amelia finally looked at her husband again and Owen nodded gently in support, showing her she should go on. "What I didn't tell you is that after I'd been to rehab, when I finally thought I was going to put my life back on track, I found out I was pregnant. With his baby."

Owen noticed how her lip was trembling as she fought hard to stay in control and not break down completely, determined to tell him everything.

"The pregnancy caught me by surprise and I rejected it at first… It took me weeks to finally accept it and when I did," Amelia felt her heart constrict with the memory, "When I finally did, I went from heaven to hell again in the blink of an eye because at my first ultrasound check, I found out that my baby was anencephalic."

Owen absorbed the information, swallowing hard at the idea of her going through that insane amount of pain, all by herself.

"I never told my family. I never told Derek," Amelia confessed. "And I never told you," She added, thinking it made perfect sense now. "Because I was ashamed," She gazed down at the floor and Owen saw her tears falling onto the grass. "I was ashamed that I was so high and so drunk and so out of my mind all the time that I only found out when it was already too late."

Owen ran his fingers through her hair, gently caressing her as he felt his own eyes getting watery too. For the second time that day, he used his index finger to bring Amelia's head up, forcing her into eye contact with him.

"You have nothing to be ashamed of," Owen affirmed, looking deeply into her eyes. "It wasn't your fault that your baby had that condition… You know that right? You know that it was chance, and not the drugs?" Amelia nodded affirmatively, wondering how in the world Owen knew exactly how to read her. He had just found about her baby and his first comment had been exactly about the deepest root of her pain. She knew that scientifically, he made sense. But in her heart, Amelia didn't know if she would ever forgive herself. Her husband was probably right but there was no way they could know for sure. There was no specific cause for anencephaly documented yet and Amelia would forever wonder if her addiction had been related to it, realizing she would probably never know the answer. "What was his name?" Owen asked, hopeful that she would share more with him.

"I never got to give him a name," Amelia said, with guilt stamped in her eyes. "When I decided to go through with the pregnancy and take it full term, I decided that since my baby couldn't live, he might as well help others who still had a chance," She confessed, feeling her heart breaking all over again with the memory of that decision. "I held him in my arms for less than an hour but then they took him because he was starting to go into respiratory distress," Amelia sniffed, finding Owen's eyes again. "They took him and they harvested him," She added, with excruciating pain. "And in his very short existence, he saved more lives than most people ever could," The realization hit her, and Amelia couldn't mask her her pain anymore. The expression on her face showed the intensity of her anguish. "That's what I held onto to get out of bed the following day. That's how I kept any will to live," She added, remembering the darkest days she'd ever been through. "His life had more meaning than anyone could possibly imagine and letting him go was the hardest thing I've ever had to do," Amelia confessed, hoping that Owen could understand her better now. She prayed that he could forgive her because she wasn't sure if she ever would be able to forgive herself.

Owen's arms fiercely tightened around her and Owen gently sat on the a rock by the grass, pulling her nearer. Amelia stayed between his legs, in the safety of his arms, as her shoulder was pressed tightly against his chest.

"I am so sorry," He gently kissed her head repeatedly. "I wish I could have been here for you when you went through all that."

Amelia turned around in his arms, searching for his eyes and in them she saw he actually meant what he'd said.

"I love you," She took one hand to his face, stroking his cheek with her fingers in a gentle caress, "And I want to give you _everything_ ," Amelia bit her lower lip, desperate not to lose the man she loved. "From the bottom of my heart, I do. You deserve the best there is in the world and I wish I could give it to you," Her tears of pain for the loss of her son were slowly replaced by tears of fear and insecurity about her future with Owen. "Nothing would make me happier than being the mother to your babies," She confessed, with full honesty. Amelia loved Owen and she admired him more than any other person in her life. "But the thought of going through something like this ever again scares the hell out of me…" Amelia admitted, knowing they'd reached the most important point of their discussion at that exact moment. "And I couldn't find the strength in my heart to tell you what I'm about to say, which is why I ran away… But the truth is, I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant, ever again."

Owen stood perfectly still, absorbing the information she'd just shared. He looked at her for long seconds, carefully inspecting her, seemingly immersed in deep thoughts as he processed his feelings.

"That's not true." Owen affirmed, with absolute certainty.

"What?" Amelia frowned, looking at him with a mix of confusion and expectation.

"You're scared to go through anything similar again, but you wouldn't," Owen reinforced, looking deeply into her eyes. "It will never be the same as it once was because you're more mature now, you're a different person now… And most importantly," He breathed in and out, praying to the universe that she would believe his words. "You won't ever, ever, have to be alone again."

Amelia saw the promise on his face and she closed her eyes, trying to be her bravest. Life had taught her that she couldn't count on anyone. Every man she had ever loved had died. It was too risky and she knew better now than to expose herself at the same heartbreak again. She loved Owen and wanted to give all of herself to him, without holding back in fear anymore. But she was afraid that if she let go, life would reward her with more disappointment, as it had always been.

"If you don't dive in and allow yourself to live," Owen wisely advised, "You might save yourself from future pain but also, you'll never get to enjoy the best things life has to offer." He concluded, hoping she would absorb that information and believe it. "You're the strongest person I know," Owen held her face between his hands, determined to make her see it. "I love you. You have to let me love you," He pleaded, looking deeply into her eyes. "You have to let me in and give yourself completely. Amelia," Owen smiled gently, completely in love with her. "You deserve the best things. You're worthy of them. You're worthy of being happy." His smile contaminated her. "Let's be happy."

"I want that more than anything," She confessed, holding onto his shirt with a closed fist, desperate to embark on the life he'd planned for them both.

"I am not saying we have to get pregnant now," He caressed her hair. Everything was different now. He'd come to Los Angeles believing that Amelia didn't want to build a future with him. And he'd found out that she did, but fear was preventing her from going forward. Now that Owen knew all the details, he could understand her better and wanted more than anything to be there for her.

"We don't?" Amelia said, almost with relief.

"I'm not asking you to give me a baby," Owen affirmed with honesty. "I am asking you to build a future with me. To build a family with me. I'm not going to lie, of course I'd love more than anything to see our own child growing inside of you," Owen smiled when he splayed his hand on her abdomen, amazed by the idea of making a baby with her. "I'd enjoy every minute of it," He added with a heartfelt smile. Amelia let out a discreet chuckle between her tears when she realized his hand was so large it nearly covered the entire area of her lower belly. "But if you can't, if these wounds and scars are so deep that you feel like you ever can't, we can build a family someway else…" He shrugged, obviously accepting the idea for her sake. "There are other possibilities to have a child," He added, nudging his nose on hers, enjoying their proximity and the intimacy that was slowing being established between them. "Or children."

Amelia smiled when she heard his words. She realized that Owen was willing to meet her halfway if that was what it took for them to be together so he could include her in the dream he'd been chasing after for so long. The idea of growing a child inside of her without the possibility of making sure the baby would be healthy and perfect scared her to death but knowing that Owen would always be there changed everything. His words and his presence made the monster look not so scary anymore and for the first time since she'd started to freak about having a baby, Amelia started to believe that she could actually maybe be comfortable with the idea of getting pregnant again in the future.

"We can wait until you're ready," Owen proposed. "And we can _talk_ until then," He smiled with the corner of his lips, obviously telling Amelia that running off again was no longer an option.

"I want to go home," Amelia confessed, fully accepting everything he was offering. She looked over to her late son's gravestone, thinking about how much her beloved baby had taught her about love and life. He would forever remain an important part of her life, irreplaceable in her thoughts and prayers. But it was time to move on, and Amelia was thankful for the strength that the memory of her little one was able to instill on her. "I want to go to our home."

Owen kissed the top of her head, feeling drained at the incredibly exhausting day they'd had, but beneath all the layers of exhaustion, he was happy that he and Amelia had finally managed to work through their situation, surprisingly reaching a common ground.

Before they left, Amelia crouched down once more and closed her eyes, silently whispering words of love and gratitude to her baby while she still could. Finding it hard to say goodbye once more, Amelia finally left the cemetery, feeling like a renewed person. Some of her biggest fears and insecurities had been left there at that hall of past things and Amelia hoped that they never came back to haunt her, for she was fully determined to not let her own traumas interfere on her path to happiness, ever again.

.

Addison waited patiently in the living room, keeping Owen company while Amelia went upstairs to get the few things she'd taken with her to Los Angeles.

"So…" Addison started, wondering what had happened between Amelia and her husband during the course of that day. It was obvious they'd both been through hell because their faces were drained but despite the swollen eyes and reddish faces, both had a fairly optimistic aura. "I suppose I can safely say you're the first person who was ever able to tame Amelia Shepherd."

"What?" Owen let out a surprised chuckle, confused as to where Addison was coming from.

"I've known that girl since she was barely a teenager," Addison shared. When she'd first started dating Derek, Amelia shouldn't have been more than twelve or thirteen. "She's always been this wild, fierce spirit. No one could ever submit her into doing what she didn't want to. Not her mom, her sisters, not even Derek, and he was the person Amelia respected the most," Addison affirmed, knowing she was right. "She has always done as she wished, taking more than giving, and never really facing many consequences until it was too late. But somehow you managed to get through to her and for the first time since I've known her, she's going back instead of running away," Addison concluded, looking at Owen with what seemed like admiration. It was nice to see that change in Amelia. "What did you do to her?" She asked, with a lighthearted tone.

"Me?" Owen questioned defensively. "I didn't do anything." He frowned, trying to follow Addison's trail of thought. "I respected her, I guess. Tried to understand her."

"Yeah," Addison agreed with a head nod, but she knew there was more to it. "I think that Amelia feels the safest she's ever felt with you because you were the only person in her entire life who's given her what she never had but desperately needed."

Owen took his eyes from the pattern of the couch fabric and looked back at Addison, interested.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, politely. It made a lot of sense that Amelia liked Addison so much. The woman seemed to be into talking through enigmas as much as his wife. "Love? A second chance?" Owen tried to guess.

"No," Addison disregarded his options with a light smile. "Of course you're giving her these things but she's had them before."

"What were you talking about then?" Owen asked with curiosity. "What could have I possibly given her that Amelia never had before?"

"Limits," Addison's smile grew wider when she opened her mouth to talk with propriety. "You gave her limits."

.

Amelia dug through her purse, desperate to find the keys to her house. She wanted more than anything to be back in the safety of the home she was building with Owen.

After they'd left Addison's house, they'd gone off to the airport and bought tickets to the first flight destined to Seattle. They had dinner before boarding and once they got inside the plane, Amelia spent pretty much every minute of the three hour flight telling her husband about some of the major events of her life, like the time she'd witnessed her father's death or how she had first gotten involved with drugs when she was younger.

Amelia found out that once she had started talking about everything she'd so carefully kept to herself for so many years, it was hard to stop sharing. Owen was a good listener and he offered her support at the same time he didn't judge. Occasionally, he would interrupt her speech to share something about himself, and by the time they made it to their house, Amelia was feeling closer to him than she'd ever felt to anyone in her life before.

"I missed our home," She confessed after opening the door and walking into the living room.

Everything seemed to be exactly in the same place as it'd been when she'd first left. She noticed her computer on the kitchen counter. Owen had told her in the airplane of how he'd found her and she had once again apologized for the horrible way she'd left him.

"I missed having you in it," Owen confessed, closing the door after them.

For the first time since he could remember in the past month, they were alone again and he was beyond happy to have left the house that morning to go after her. That had been one of the toughest days of his life and yet, he knew it already represented a turning point to their entire future together.

"How are you feeling?" Owen took three strides in her direction, cherishing having her to himself again. "Are you tired? Hungry? Happy?"

"All of those," Amelia confessed with a smile and noticing his hesitation, she pulled him by his face, standing on the tips of her toes to kiss him.

Owen automatically held her in his arms, one of his hands going beneath the layers of clothes she was wearing, eager to find the warmth and intimacy of her skin. At the touch of his hand on her bare back, Amelia smiled against his lips, sealing with a kiss the long list of promises they'd made to each other that day.

"I am so embarrassed at myself that I ran away," Amelia confessed, still feeling that burden weighing on her shoulders.

"Then be proud of yourself because you came back," Owen offered a new perspective, allowing her to smile amidst the pain. "Enough sadness for today, babe," He decided, determined to enjoy some peace of mind beside his wife. "Let's order take out and have a shower. We've had long, exhausting days and my entire back hurts from those airplane seats."

"Okay," Amelia agreed, eager to spend a lazy night with him.

After they'd showered and eaten, she looked at the clock, realizing it was past midnight. Amelia made her way to her side of the bed, watching as Owen unfolded the covers on his side. Seconds after, he turned off the lights and leaned over, kissing her goodnight.

Owen was about to lie back on his side when he felt Amelia's hands wrapping around his neck and shoulder, pulling him to her top. He smiled gently at her, identifying her shining eyes in the darkness of the room.

"It's okay, babe, we don't have to," He kissed the inner part of her wrist, feeling her pulse throbbing against his lips before he let go of her hand, settling for gently caressing her cheek instead. "We've had a difficult day and we should rest." Owen added. He was exhausted and he knew they would have their entire lifetimes to do as they pleased.

"You told me you would always love me," Amelia looked deeply into his eyes and the intensity of her gaze woke the most intimate feelings inside Owen. "Love me," her voice sounded hoarse and pleading as the words left her lips.

Seeing her request had much more to do with comforting and intimacy than about lust and playful banter, Owen gently bent over, starting what would become a long line of kisses from her temple to her neck. With each kiss, he hoped to heal a different wound, allowing Amelia to feel whole again.

She noticed the devotion in his eyes and kissed him back, willing to return everything he was giving her. Little by little, they lost their last piece of clothing and when Owen was already naked, driving himself into her, Amelia pulled him closer, letting the extension of his body weight over hers.

"I also owe you an apology," Owen said minutes after, when he'd finally recovered from their intense lovemaking.

"What for?" Amelia asked with her eyes already closed, feeling completely relaxed.

"For doubting who you could be," Owen confessed, thinking about the words he'd said when he'd left her at Addison's house. "When I first noticed you, I had this feeling in my gut that you could be the one," He admitted, seeing a smile forming on his wife's lips as she assimilated his words. "Today I doubted it but you proved to me that I had been right to begin with," He added with a playful smile, too proud to relinquish power over the situation.

"From now on, I am your one," Amelia opened her eyes, on purpose using the words to mess with him. "And one plus one makes _two_ ," She looked at the distance between their bodies, "But who knows maybe in the future one plus one will turn out to be three." She said suggestively, obviously talking about expanding their family.

"Absolutely, babe," Owen leaned over and kissed her, stealing her from every breath before finally pulling apart. "If it's up to me, I'll have many ones in my life," He added, smiling with happiness at the realization that Amelia seemed to be slowly seduced by the idea of having their kids.

"One day soon?" She asked, knowing in her heart that that future wasn't too distant.

"One day soon," Owen kissed her head and embarked on a much needed sleep, with a full smile still lingering on his lips.

Neither of them knew what the future held for them yet but before they could realize it, two would become three and then four. A few years after, they'd jump straight to six and when both Owen and Amelia were absolutely sure that their lives were already complete, a very adorable number seven would join the party, adding more fun to that happy mix.

For now, the dream of being parents was only taking form but soon enough it would become reality. And even though Owen and Amelia expected to have a happy family someday, never in their wildest dreams would they ever imagine the explosion of love, happiness and laughter that was patiently waiting for them, right around the first corner.

If you want to know what happens after this story, go to 'My Boys Drabbles' (you can easily find it on my profile). The first chapter, titled 'My Beginning' is the next step in this ficverse. Thank you all for the support! Feedback is always much appreciated : )


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